I Went To A Fight And A Hockey Game Broke Out
They didn’t have enough players left to finish the game.
That’s just insane.
(Link courtesy of Fark, of course)
Hail Mediocrity
ESPN is reporting that Steve Spurrier resigned as Redskins head coach today, giving up $15 million and the last year of his contract just to get away from the team.
Team owner Dan Snyder has presided over a parade of suck ever since he bought the team, changing coaches like socks and trying to be a “hands-on” owner like Dallas’ Jerry Jones, even though Snyder obviously doesn’t have the football sense that God gave spore mold.
Growing up in Virginia, I’ve been a Redskins fan from the start, coming up in the glory days of Theismann, Riggo, and The Hogs, on through the Joe Gibbs era. Sure, we had some crappy times (Mark Rypien or Jay Schroeder, anyone?), but that’s nothing compared to what Snyder has wrought.
Spending tens of millions on over-the-hill players like Deion Sanders and Bruce Smith, failing to retain good players like Stephen Davis and Brad Johnson, failing to provide any sort of plan or stability for the franchise – the Redskins are a joke at this point. It’s embarassing to follow them.
So see you later, Ol’ Ball Coach. Welcome to the NFL. Don’t feel too bad, though – I’m sure the team will get another coach as bad as you and have a few more seasons of screwups.
At least my other two teams (Carolina and Green Bay) are doing well.
Busted Carb
I swear, if I hear one more thing about “low-carb” this or “5 carbs” that or “carb carb carb carb” that has been all over the airwaves for the past month or so, I’m going to take out a post office with a machette.
Yes, I get it. Your fad diet is all the rage. Now take your catch phrases and eat them, and quit badgering me!
A Fish Called Ashcroft
Just in time for the Holidays, you can sleep easier knowing that your airlines are safe. The TSA is working hard to prevent terrorist students from bringing Betta fish onto airplanes.
So flush your fish – TO PROTECT THE HOMELAND!
Who You Gonna Call?
Catching up on my blog backlog, there’s the report that a ghost was photographed by a security camera at a castle in England. The link has a slideshow showing more stills from the video.
Real or fake? It’s hard to tell. On the one hand, it could be a marketing ploy to drum up interest at a tourist spot. On the other hand, I do believe that ghosts exists and, even though I’ve never seen one, I don’t have any problem accepting that one might be walking around this old castle.
There are two main schools of thought on ghosts, if they exist. One is that they’re intelligent manifestations of the human spirit, existing in our time. The other is that they’re emotional imprints on a place – kind of a supernatural video loop, repeating the same actions over and over. If this video is real, it would give more credence to the first idea, as I doubt that these security doors existed in the ghost’s time, thus it wouldn’t be able to react to them.
I hope they get some analysis done on the tape – it’d be interesting to see how it turns out.
Off On The Right Foot
Well, I went for my three-week return visit at the podiatrist, and thankfully they said my broken foot had healed up enough to ditch the crutches and walking boot.
Instead, I got these orthodic inserts for my shoes. The doctor said “It may take a while to break these in, and they might be uncomfortable during that period.” Um….yeah. I’d say that was accurate. I wore them about two hours today and had to take them off. The feeling was like trying to walk on ice skates, with the arch-support things.
Hopefully it’ll get better soon, but all in all, I’d rather do this than have the crutches.
Neoconned
I hang around a few places, like Fark, the IRC, and ISCABBS, where political discussions occasionaly pop up. You get all types of people weighing in, but lately, especially with the war in Iraq, there’s been a particular strain of animal making its presence felt in those discussions, throwing logic and reason to the wind. It calls itself a “Neoconservative,” or “Neocon” for short.
Somewhat related to the Conservative or the Republican, the Neocon lacks the common sense and higher mental functions that the first two posess. So I’ve developed something of a “Field Guide to Neocons” that will help you determine if the person you’re talking to has the ability to reason, understand different sides of an issue, and provide intelligent conversation, or if they’re just a Neocon and shouldn’t be bothered with.
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All Issues Are Black-And-White
To the Neocon, there is a clear distinction between right and wrong, good and evil. Namely, what we do is good and right, everything else is wrong and evil.
You: I don’t think that invading Iraq will advance our goals of stopping terrorism or making the Middle East safer.
Neocon: Then you obviously must have loved Saddam, then. I guess you’re ready to enlist in the Iraqi army. Move back to France.
This idea is reflected in all facets of the Neocon worldview, from their leader’s “You’re either with us or against us” talk on down.
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Strawmen
Neocons love strawmen more than Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion put together. Closely related to #1, their debating tactics consist mainly of taking any dissenting point to the most illogical extreme possible, then deftly dismissing their made-up points.
You: I think that giving the UN a larger role in the Iraq situation would have made the US less of a target in the Arab world.
Neocon: Well, I guess you’re in favor of dissolving the US government, then, aren’t you? You’d probably like it if we just let Osama Bin Laden become the dictator of the US. Why don’t you move to Afghanistan if you love Osama so much, you traitor. Why do you hate America?
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News Sources
The Neocon gets his news from three sources: Fox News, Bill O’Reilly, and Rush Limbaugh. Any other news source is “a tool of the liberal media,” and should be disregarded. The three
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Leadership
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Bill Clinton’s Dick
If you’re listening to a Neocon talk, it won’t be too long before the subject of Bill Clinton’s dick comes up. These guys are fascinated by the former President’s wang, to the point that the obsession becomes unhealthy. They’ll take any opportunity to interject it into a conversation, and then smugly step back, as if they’ve just revealed some sort of cosmic truth. It’s the ultimate trump card to them – playing it means that they’ve just negated any argument placed before them.
You: I don’t support the Bush Administration’s policies of giving massive tax breaks to corporations, while at the same time letting them ship American jobs overseas.
Neocon: Yeah, but I bet you loved it when Bill Clinton was getting his dick sucked. I didn’t hear you saying anything then. Ha.
I think that this is mainly due to their black-and-white view of the world, in which anyone who harbors any complaints about the current administration must have completely supported the previous one and ignored any transgressions therein. It makes sense, though, as their unwavering loyalty to Bush & Co. is the only way they know to live, so they assume that everyone must live that way.
So hopefully this handy guide will allow you to have meaningful debates with people on the other side who can actually back up their positions, while allowing you to avoid wasting your time on people who just exist to spout slogans and throw poop.
…Like He Liked His Coffee
In possibly one of the most bizarre stories of the year, word has surfaced that the late Sen. Strom Thurmond fathered a child with a black maid while he was in his early 20s.
I mean – wow. Who saw that one coming? One of the biggest foes of the civil rights movement, the staunch Dixiecrat segregationalist, and general white supremacist was knockin’ boots with the “coloreds” and having mulatto babies. And what’s crazier is that he apparently had a pretty good relationship with the kid, providing support and private acknowledgement of his paternity. I doubt she was hanging out with him in DC and going to the father-daughter picnic, but it’s quite a juxtaposition with his public persona.
I guess ol’ Strom figured while blacks weren’t good enough to ride in the front of a bus or drink from the same water fountain that he did, that they were good enough to bear his children.
What an odd world.
Just Cos’
Inspired by a headline on Fark, of all things, I’ve been jonesin’ for some classic Bill Cosby comedy lately. My parents had a couple of his old LPs when I was growing up, and they were great. Classic Fat Albert stuff, hitting people in the face with a slushball, “gunky”, the whole nine yards.
I picked up the only CD I could find, which was “Bill Cosby Is A Very Funny Fellow – Right!” Really old-school 1963 release that’s not that great, except for Cosby’s great “Noah” bit. Most of the bits on the CD are very short (1-2 minutes), and lack a lot of context.
So I’m hoping that one of my parents still has the old LPs and I can import them and burn them onto a CD over Christmas.
No Mo
Well, he was living on borrowed time all season, but the Hurricanes fired Paul Maurice today, ending a great run at the helm of the Canes.
Mo’s the only coach the North Carolina version of the team has known – a great company guy on a company team. He had a knack for getting the best out of moderately-talented teams, and won a couple of division titles and an Eastern Conference championship. Not too shabby for a team that used to be The Whale.
It’s very sad in sports that when a team does badly, it’s the coach who gets fired. But it’s a fact that they all have to live with, and this year’s team has been sad to watch. We can’t score, we don’t play with any grit, and just generally haven’t been on track. Maybe a shakeup at top will help. I dunno. Something’s gotta.
The new guy seems to have some skills, and they’re bringing in newly-retired SCORING MACHINE Jeff Daniels in as an assistant, which is pretty cool. But there’ll always be a soft spot in my sports fan heart for Coach Mo. I hope he’s able to take a break for a bit, then catch on with another team and do well.
So thanks for everything, Coach. We’ll miss you.