Price GOUGEing
After hearing Ross, Moser, and others talk about it for nearly a year now, I finally made it out with the guys last night to catch GOUGE wrestling at the Stem Fire Hall in the tiny town of Stem, NC.
We were supposed to meet up at 7:30 for the 8pm show, but I managed to get horribly turned around in the wilds of Granville County before realizing “Hey, the Mini has a GPS system that allows me to select a city and get directions.” Yay me. I finally rolled into the firehouse around 7:55pm, following Ross, Ben, and Bill by about 5 minutes.
Now, Ross and Ben are apparently well-known by the group for their regular attendance and smart-mark heckling, so even though the place was sold out, the promoters pulled up four ringside chairs for us. Thus, I got to experience the GOUGE event from close enough to lean over and touch the ring.
Now, GOUGE is a little different from your normal indy promotion. As they say on their website, “It’s all about the gimmicks!” As such, they’re not concerned with primarily putting on a wrestling clinic, instead opting for over-the-top characters and silly entertainment. It’s an interesting touch, and appears to be working very well for them.
To warm up the crowd, the security guy, “Security Bob,” was walking around with signs that said “Stem Sucks” and “Security Bob Rules.” This served to get the crowd ready for the show. Bob had initially neglected to put the “r” in his second sign, leading us to call him “Secuity Bob” for the night.
After initial ring announcements, it was time to start the show:
- The Brotherhood came out to cut a promo. The Brotherhood consists of former ECW wrestler “King” Chilly Willy (the only “name” wrestler on the show, doing a King Booker T style gimmick), Scab (doing a Raven’s Flock-esque gimmick, with a cabbage patch kid in a Baby Bjorn), Major Debeers (doing a South African military gimmick, though with a thick Southern accent), and manager Count Grog (who appears to do a Dracula/Eastern European gimmick, but tonight was just in a suit and sunglasses). They came out to set up their matches tonight, rile up the crowd, and toss some smack our way.
- J.P. and Stoney Hooker vs. Boom Boom Simpson and Drew “MacDaddy” Maelrath. – Simpson, a chunky effeminate guy, and Maelrath, a skinny guy in hotpants with musical notes tattooed down his ribcage, were doing a gay gimmick, with Simpson shooting a miniature “Badd Blaster” in the crowd while nancing around. The Hookers appeared to be high school kids, with matching flames down their pants. Simpson provided the comedy, while the other three provided the wrestling. Decent speed moves from the Hookers, who ended up pinning Simpson for the win. Winners: J.P. and Stoney Hooker
- Ace Crusader vs. Leroy Zybysko. – Crusader is doing a superhero/Batman gimmick. Zybysko is a dreadlocked black heel with ski pants. Crusader appears to be the most muscular guy in the promotion, while Zybysko mainly did a cowardly heel schtick while wearing ski pants to wrestle. The ski pants got some chants from our group. Zybysko got the win, though I don’t remember how. Winner: Leroy Zybysko
- Tennessee Ernie Nord came out. I gotta say, for whatever reason, the concept just kills me. Nord is doing a crossed-up redneck vs. John Nord’s “Barbarian/Bezerker” gimmick. Think a really fat bearded redneck in overalls, fur boots, and a viking helmet. He came out and challenged any audience member to a dance-off. A fairly goth-looking high schooler took him up on it. Nord won, because let’s face it, everyone wants to see the fat guy dance.
- Exotic Aloyisus Street vs. El Mariachi. – Street is a black guy with a pimp cane and fur coat, who apparently also goes by the name of Freakshow. Mariachi was a masked guy, who may actually have been Hispanic, wearing a belt that looked like it had seen use from the “Bedazzler.” Decent matchup between the stocky Street and tall Mariachi, ending when (I believe) Street hit a Buff Blockbuster for the win. Or maybe it was a Side Effect. I didn’t write down finishes. Winner: Exotic Aloysius Street
- GOUGE North Carolina Title: Scab (w/Count Grog) vs. Seymour Snott (Champion) – Snott looked exactly like what would happen if you took Ace Crusader, exchanged the mask for glasses, and put him in a shirt and tie. Funny that. Ross spent most of the match saying “He has the same moveset as Ace Crusader! He has the same weaknesses as Ace Crusader! I feel like I’ve seen him before!” We took to renaming all of Scab’s moveset for him (“Scabziguri! Scabline! He’s going for the Scabbage Patch Kid!”). Both guys were working hard, with Scab/Grog’s cheating vs. Snott’s face comebacks. In the end, Scab caught Snott up top and powerbombed him, putting the feet on the ropes to get the pin. Winner, and new GOUGE NC champion: Scab. Post-match, I had fun showing the referee my picture of the “illegal pin” on the digital camera, and he played right along, saying “Wow, but I didn’t see it.” Awesome.
- GOUGE Tag Team Titles: The New Age Sheepherders (w/Felicia) vs. The Urban Legends (Champions) – The Sheepherders are, well, an homage to the original Luke & Butch Sheepherders (though they’re billed as from Australia instead of New Zealand). The Legends are Luther Thesz (a big black guy with a name that recalls wrestling legend Lou Thesz), and Cowboy Willie Watts, a bigger black guy doing a cowboy gimmick. The Legends came out to “A Country Boy Can Survive.” A decent power-vs-cheating match, as the Sheepherders and their manager tried to use shenanigans to outwit the much stronger Legends. They managed to hold their own for a while, even using their manager in a double-battering-ram. The Legends, however, were really playing to our section, dedicating our favorite moves to us. Not just the deadly backrake, not just the punishing frontrake, but at one point they said “This is for you” and did a combined back-and-front-rake. Woot! The end came when Watts speared a Sheepherder to retain. Winners: The Urban Legends. Post-match, the Legends brought out the other two black guys (Street and Zybysko) to join their stable.
- Butner Bullrope Match: Major Debeers (w/Count Grog) vs. Trailer Park Heat. – Another grudge match set up at the start of the show, it was the heel Debeers vs. a large masked redneck, Trailer Park Heat. The idea was that both participants would be strapped into a bullrope (with attached cowbell, of course), and the winner would have to touch all four corners in succession to win. Unfortunately, they kept having equipment problems with the rope breaking, and resorted several times to taping it to the wrestlers’ arms, with minimal success. One fun moment came when Debeers (who was having a lot of interaction with us) missed a punch, leading us to say “Strike One!” He then whacked Heat solidly with the cowbell, leading us to call “Home Run!”. He then came over and stuck his hand out to me for a high-five, which I delivered. Our crowd then started saying “Wade made the hot tag!” at which point Grog asked me “You want to get in there with them?” I said “No, I don’t have a gimmick.” We though we had a finish when Heat hit the fourth corner, but his rope had broken right before he did, so in the confusion, Debeers got a chair, whacked him, and touched the corners for the win. Winner: Major Debeers. Post-match, Debeers told us he was going “old school” and hit not one, not two, but three heart punches on Heat, causing him to get stretchered out.
- GOUGE Heavyweight Title: Jaheem The Dream vs. King F’n Chilly Willy (Champion) (w/Count Grog) – Main event time. Jaheem is a rotund white guy carrying a KFC bucket and doing a white rapper-esque gimmick. Willy stalled before the match, insulting the crowd and demanding that nobody call him “Burger King.” He eventually snapped, lost the fake British accent and insulting the crowd in a Southern accent. The match featured Willy working the leg to keep the much-larger Jaheem down. Jaheem was making the face comeback when the Brotherhood ran out to distract the referee, leading to Grog throwing the BABY POWDER OF DOOM in Jaheem’s face. Willy then rolled him up for the win. Winner: King Chilly Willy. A post-match beatdown on Jaheem resulted, until Trailer Park Heat returned from the heart punches to make the save. That set up a Stretcher Match next time between Heat and Debeers, as well as a match between Scab and Jaheem.
All in all, it was a very fun night. The wrestlers were all working hard to put on a good show, and the campy gimmicks let everyone have fun. It was well worth the $10 admission. For those in the area, I highly recommend catching a GOUGE show. There are upcoming shows on their website, including two (Raleigh and Stem) in March. You can also check out the pictures I took from ringside on Flickr.
